Monthly Archives: June 2011


Triple digits with a belly bump and raging hormones is not the prettiest combination!  It is HOT! Even when Gabriel and I jog/walk at night the temperature is still above 100 degrees… But thankfully I will be escaping these temperatures for the majority of July!  Tina’s wedding in WI and Dar’s wedding in WA will be a wonderful excursion to some better weather… aka… 75 degrees and cool temperatures at night. WOOHOOO!

Gabriel is picking up the crib that was back ordered for awhile and we are going to put it together tonight!  The baby’s room is looking good and the house is pretty much done except for decorations(putting up pictures).

My mom is making the venture to the valley tomorrow and I couldn’t be more excited! She will see the house before the baby is born and the ensuing chaos that will follow!  Life is great! <3

Exercise = Sane body and Mind!

I have been working on making sure that I stay as active as possible throughout this pregnancy.  I do weight training and exercise ball training in the morning, yoga and abs in the afternoon and I do zumba in the living room three- four times a week.  Since the weather here is so unforgiving during the day, Gabe and I take nightly walks on the lighted trails in our complex. 

Hopefully soon I will be able to get back in the pool and do laps in the morning again, as soon as we have a key to the pool in our complex, I will be one happy lady!  I miss being in the water!  I definitely do not feel as clumsy as I do when I do zumba, or one of the many times throughout the day that I run into something.  My knees, back and arms are spackled with blue and black marks from this new behavior that I can only pray will last a couple of more months!

I CANNOT WAIT to be in cooler weather in WA for about 20 days with my family.  I will relish the colder weather and the ability to go outside! Hiking with Abby and the family… going to the beach…. and BEING WITH FAMILY that love and support us! <3

Gabe and I are going to go play basketball tonight at our housing area park.  He is going dowwwnnnn, muahahahaahah.

Much love! <3

Heartache and Loss

Gabriel and I are extremely lucky: we have the house of our dreams, eachother, and a beautiful baby boy on the way in the next four months! 

We have been unlucky in the sense that there are some people in our lives that are not happy for us.  People that would want to go back in time and make sure that we never met, married nor are starting a family together.  I have had my heartbroken by these people that pretend to love us multiple times in the last six months.  There have been two instances that include something either being done or said that is completely unforgivable for a human being to do to another human being. 

There has been no remorse for their actions.  No consequences for their actions.  And worst yet, they think they are in the “right” to feel this way and make no excuses for their behavior.  I have struggled with nightmares, stress induced panic attacks when I’m by myself and countless nights of tears the past couple of years because of what they have done and the potential for what they will do in the future.

Writing this blog in general is part of my grieving process for losing that part of our happy life together.

They continue to scream at my husband on the phone almost every time they speak with him.  They are extremely manipulative and are masters at the art of guilt and rage.  I am the reason that they treat him so awfully and I know in my heart, that if we hadn’t met, that they would NEVER treat him so poorly.  I am not the person that they had invisoned for him and for that I will pay the punishment for the rest of my life.

He is my soulmate, best friend and I am so lucky to be with such a great man so I will never bow down to them and leave him.  He is my life and my love.

The last three days have been full of countless tears and heartache.  The stress that reighns over my body is mindboggling.  I have intense cramps whenever we speak about them and they last for hours afterwards.

I just wish, with all my heart, that I had done something to deserve the treatment that I have recieved from these people.  Then I might be able to comprehend and understand the hate that they have in their hearts for me.  I just wish that I would be the sole victim in this situation instead of Gabriel being dragged down in the depths with me.  Gabriel has never deserved any ounce of rage, anger, decietful behavior that he has gotten from those that pretend to love us. 

Their behavior would be easier to take, if they just attacked me.  Not him.  But they only have four more months of being essentially evil before this Mother-to Be will not let them ruin our baby boy’s life.  Dirk will never see, nor talk to them, unless they can perform a miracle and 180 on their personal characters, the way they talk to us, and they will have to apologize each time they do something wrong.  In a sense they go back to kindergarden and have to follow those simple rules: treat others the way they want to be treated, apologize and mean it when you are wrong or hurt someone, and be a good person/ role model.

In a talk after the first LARGE fiasco, two of them admitted that they do not think that they are role models and will not worry about that when our baby is here.  That they will not try to be kinder at holidays because that is just the way they are.  And that they do not feel the need to apologize, ever. 

So this radical change in the next four months should be possible for people that care about us and love us.  Only time will tell if they truly do.  Unfortunately, almost all hope is lost in this situation and for that I am completely and utterly terrified that I have let my husband down.  Because I am not the person they wanted in their lives, and that has been clear since the night that I met them years ago.


It is no surprise to me that hardly anyone tells the truth about how they feel. The smart ones keep themselves to themselves for good reason. Why would you want to tell anyone anything that’s dear to you? Even when you like them and want nothing more than to be closer than close to them? It’s so painful to be next to someone you feel strongly about and know you can’t say the things you want to.

Baby’s Room is Underway!

So this last Friday I spent about seven hours painting the baby’s room.  I had the window open, fans on and a ridiculously tight and heavy breathing mask on which made it possible for me to paint, minus the harmful fumes.  The lines on my face from that thing lasted for a full-embarrasing two hours after I took it off.  SAFETY FIRST!

After two more hours on Saturday afternoon the room was completed!  Furniture is back in the room and we can put up the crib in its place when it arrives this week! And now I can hang pictures on the walls!  So exciting!
Other little projects that happened included: organizing the garage to fit a car, putting up a towel hanger, removing all boxes from the house in each room, putting together a fire pit, putting together a solar spotlight for the backyard and two solar spotlights for the front yard.  The house has definitely felt like our home this past week and it feels so great to know that we do in fact have a home! So blessed!

New House! New Job! So blessed!

The last week has been full of ups and downs.  We didn’t know if we were getting the house until 4PM on Friday and the bank had put an ammendment on the agreement that it had to be done by 5PM.  Talk about cutting it close!  Our realtor Ken was there every step of the way to make sure that the house was ours and we are so thankful!  If anyone is in the market in Phoenix let me know!

We have all of our furniture in the house in the correct room, now we just need to put away the boxes.  There must have been at least 120 print paper boxes full of “things”.  We are now down to the last 30 or so and I am working on organizing the contents.  I now have Christmas boxes, Easter, and Halloween that are clearly labeled and put nicely in a closet. Woohoo!

The babies room has my dresser that my mother used when I was a baby in it, a couple of hangers, three baby books and already washed cloth diapers.  We went to Home Depot this last Sunday morning and picked out a paint color that is a teal/blue/greenish color for Baby Dirk’s room.  Can’t wait to start painting!  SO EXCITED!

I also found out yesterday that I got the job at our neighborhood elementary school.  The walking trail behind our house leads right to the school and it is literally one minute away by car!  Perfect!

I definitely feel pregnant now. Although depending on what I’m wearing I either look pregnant with a little belly or I look like I have a muffin top.  Kind of funny, until I break down in hormonal tears every once in awhile.  Gabe is such a great husband with reaffirming that I don’t look fat, I look pregnant.  Such a kind man.

He also is definitely loving working on the house and conquering projects.  Right now he is mastering the jungle that is our backyard and had to fight off a jumping wolf spider on the patio last night.  Priceless for Baby Girl and I, safe inside, not for Gabe. 

Life is wonderful!

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