Daily Archives: November 15, 2012

My Name is Holly Marie & I Feel Like I am Failing at Motherhood

Today is one of those days.

The day that knocks you flat on your butt.  Seamlessly out of nowhere.

All of the sudden.

BAM.

You are down and out.

I am waving the white flag motherhood.

My little darling this morning did everything and anything he knew that he wasn’t supposed to do.  I mean chew that, rip that, throw that. 

I was/am a teacher.  I possess the teacher voice, the one that commands attention- and can also let you know that, “No, you shouldn’t be doing that.”  A stern, very noticeable tone drop. 

I never- EVER- give in when Dirk throws a tantrum.  These aren’t the run-of-the-mill sort that you see in the movies.  These are the stomp, hold your breath, try to run away, thrash, kick, I’m dying tantrums.   No-they do not contain all of the aforementioned activities- but they contain one of them.  And you never quite know which one.  I have had a busted lip- three times in the last year from carrying my thrashing child away from something that he knows he shouldn’t play with- like the oily door jambs. 

My home is baby proofed.  But my child is not a baby.  He knows.  As soon as he sees it done he can do it.  Seriously.  I wish I was kidding.  He can get anything off of our kitchen table-our monster of a kitchen table.  He can open doors in our house- baby proof the doors you say?  They don’t own baby-proofing things for our door handles- I’ve tried. 

So I am getting a new door opener.  AND hopefully, just maybe that will be harder to open/a baby proof device will work on it. 

I have been watching our ceilings like a hawk since the Mold Disaster of 2011- the one where for the first three months of my child’s life we had contractors, smelly work men(wore the same outfits for five days in a row- opened all the doors and windows in the 40 degree temps in December to try to de-smell the house-it was awful) and no privacy.  The time that I treasured with my newborn was essentially ripped away because the previous owner was a <insert incredibly awful word here that I shall not be posting> and now- NOW- there are water marks in the ceiling downstairs under where our guest bathroom tub is. 

WHITE FLAG WAVING

HELP.

Just when I feel like I have everything figured out, and that I am being a some-what successful mom- another catastrophe hits our house.  I am envisioning the same horrors that happened last time.  As a result of the Mold Disaster 2011 our Home insurance went up $75 dollars a month.  So that money that we spent on food, clothes, basic necessities has now had to be siphoned off to that.

AND NOW???

What now?

Our insurance will surely drop us.  We tried to get another, cheaper home insurance after the rate-hikes but because of the Mold Disaster 2011 that was impossible.  Something that wasn’t our fault, that we couldn’t control now costs us extra money.  So you may say, count your blessings, and yes, I know I should- but today?  Today?  I am bawling.  In a puddle on the floor.  Wondering where the money is going to come from to get insurance when we get dropped.  Pay out of pocket?  The last dibolical cost over $10,000- we pinch pennies- perhaps you now understand? 

For the love of all things please say it gets better. Please.

My Name is HM & I Feel Like I am Failing at Motherhood

Today is one of those days.

The day that knocks you flat on your butt.  Seamlessly out of nowhere.

All of the sudden.

BAM.

You are down and out.

I am waving the white flag motherhood.

My little darling this morning did everything and anything he knew that he wasn’t supposed to do.  I mean chew that, rip that, throw that.

I was/am a teacher.  I possess the teacher voice, the one that commands attention- and can also let you know that, “No, you shouldn’t be doing that.”  A stern, very noticeable tone drop.

I never- EVER- give in when D throws a tantrum.  These aren’t the run-of-the-mill sort that you see in the movies.  These are the stomp, hold your breath, try to run away, thrash, kick, I’m dying tantrums.   No-they do not contain all of the aforementioned activities- but they contain one of them.  And you never quite know which one.  I have had a busted lip- three times in the last year from carrying my thrashing child away from something that he knows he shouldn’t play with- like the oily door jambs.

My home is baby proofed.  But my child is not a baby.  He knows.  As soon as he sees it done he can do it.  Seriously.  I wish I was kidding.  He can get anything off of our kitchen table-our monster of a kitchen table.  He can open doors in our house- baby proof the doors you say?  They don’t own baby-proofing things for our door handles- I’ve tried.

So I am getting a new door opener.  AND hopefully, just maybe that will be harder to open/a baby proof device will work on it.

I have been watching our ceilings like a hawk since the Mold Disaster of 2011- the one where for the first three months of my child’s life we had contractors, smelly work men(wore the same outfits for five days in a row- opened all the doors and windows in the 40 degree temps in December to try to de-smell the house-it was awful) and no privacy.  The time that I treasured with my newborn was essentially ripped away because the previous owner was a and now- NOW- there are water marks in the ceiling downstairs under where our guest bathroom tub is.

WHITE FLAG WAVING

HELP.

Just when I feel like I have everything figured out, and that I am being a some-what successful mom- another catastrophe hits our house.  I am envisioning the same horrors that happened last time.  As a result of the Mold Disaster 2011 our Home insurance went up $75 dollars a month.  So that money that we spent on food, clothes, basic necessities has now had to be siphoned off to that.

AND NOW???

What now?

Our insurance will surely drop us.  We tried to get another, cheaper home insurance after the rate-hikes but because of the Mold Disaster 2011 that was impossible.  Something that wasn’t our fault, that we couldn’t control now costs us extra money.  So you may say, count your blessings, and yes, I know I should- but today?  Today?  I am bawling.  In a puddle on the floor.  Wondering where the money is going to come from to get insurance when we get dropped.  Pay out of pocket?  The last dibolical cost over $10,000- we pinch pennies- perhaps you now understand?

For the love of all things please say it gets better. Please.

Flour + Water + Food Coloring = FUN

 
There may have been an clean-up of EPIC proportions, but my little one giggles, played and made a mess with colors.  I will take a messy house with a happy any day!