Daily Archives: April 2, 2013

Choose Kindness

To those of you that stay at home, perhaps you got asked initially… “What do you do all day?”. And for those that are stay at home parents, I know you understand when I say- “We are busy from sun-up to sun-down.” The brave(or inherently idiotic ones-in my opinion) will prod on with, “But what do you do?” For that I just smile, think of how lucky I am to be raising my own children-instead of teaching others at school- and know that they must just not get it.  Not their fault, most people in my area don’t. Which is perfectly fine- and I truly mean that.

Teaching and coaching 60 hours a week was one of the hardest and most full-filling jobs I have ever had, save for being a mom.  Now that I am a mom, I get it, it is SO much harder than teaching, than coaching, than working 60 hour weeks.  And I completely understand why it would be professionally full-filling to continue to foster the minds of young children, to coach them and watch them excel- and even get a lunch break-and bathroom breaks- and silence breaks-gosh knows that I need those. But I chose to stay home.  To teach my own children.  Foster their growth and abilities.  Be there for them.

If that isn’t a good enough answer, I would barely break even with a child in daycare while teaching and coaching-my entire salary and coaching stipend would go toward daycare.  BUT my choice wasn’t monetary.  If I made a million dollars a year I would still choose to stay home. But to some, those that ask the question above twice, need actual(oh it was for money?) reasons as to why I would choose to stay home. I don’t sit around and eat bon-bons-frankly I’ve never had one in my life.  We are truly busy from sun-up to sun-down.

The more I get a hang of this role, the more confident I get with the naysayers in my life.  It took months to get over the initial negativity that I encountered in my day-to-day life.  I wish I wouldn’t have taken them to heart.  In the first two months after D was born- two instances(out of countless examples) still resonate with me.  Perhaps because it was so off-putting, but more likely because it shook my new-mom soul to the core.  Thankfully, the instances don’t faze me anymore(you bet your sweet bottom they still happen though).  I have a thicker skin-and know that women are mean-especially to mom’s-and to just not care anymore.  The checkout stand lady that rolled her eyes at me, scoffed and laughed when I said I stay at home, the Hair Stylist(super cheap chain spot) that laughed when I said I stayed at home, mocking me to other women in the “salon”- I cried in the chair-note two grandmother’s that overheard the conversation nodded their heads knowingly trying to show me support. I rarely get my hair cut-usually I make my husband or Mom(if she is in town) trim it.  So the one time I am out of the house after having D by myself-to “pamper” myself-I get made fun of.

Frankly, they just must not get it. Otherwise, how cruel.

No male stranger, in my 18 months of being a Mom- has ever asked about my role in the family. Women bashing- we are quite good at hurting each other.  Not that that is anything to be proud of.

So to those of you that work AND are a Mom/Parent- BRAVO- we make the best choice for our family and our family alone.  To ridicule someone so openly about a lifestyle choice that effects their children is perpetuating the cycle of mom wars, pitting hard-working women against each other.  I will never tell a Parent that they are making the wrong lifestyle choice for their children- that is just plain respect.

If you are not a parent yet, then please take heed- do not contribute to the war.  Be kind.  Understand that until you have children, you will never fully comprehend the myriad of choices that lay before you as you tackle life-changing decisions in regards to your own family.  So smile and nod at their answers.  Think whatever you like-but just do so silently, in your head.  For asking sometimes what you may deem the simplest of questions, can be construed as callous and cruel.

Choose kindness.